American Idol Mania Returns  1/17/07

“American Idol Mania Returns”

By Marcus

Once again American Idol gives a shot to the hopeful singers and performers to make it big. It is their single chance to be seen across the nation, to be heard and accepted into the hearts of the public. But we the public can be a fickle group. We demand that our stars really sparkle with talent. And talent is a very precious and rare commodity. Just how rare is it? Well, if you forced yourself to sit through the sixth season premiere of American Idol, you saw and heard a lot of comedy but precious little talent. And that comedy was mostly unintentional as “performers” quacked notes so badly that the AFLAC duck would have earned a ticket to Hollywood . 

Yes thousands stood in line in Minneapolis , ten thousand filled the stadium and only 17 earned the golden ticket.  It is kind of like opening a bag of two-day old shredded lettuce. You are hoping that it is still fresh and tasty, but it is mostly just yucky.

With that in mind, here are both some highs and lows from tonight’s program:

Her name is Jessica, who in real life is a makeover artist transforming the common woman into a sultry sexy number. Tonight she wanted to impress the judges who I call “The Bad Four”, that is: Simon, Paula, Randy and Jewel.  Tapping into a deep inner peace, Jessica consciously calmed her jumpy nerves as she prepared to perform. But she didn’t have the “it.” She tried and our hearts wanted her personal drive to overcome her lack of talent. But her lack was so obvious to all of us. We felt for Jessica. We witnessed her dream being shattered like a dropped Christmas ornament. And there was nothing that we could do for her. We wanted to help her, but we couldn’t. We’re sorry, Jessica because you wanted this so very much.

And then there was Jesse. During his audition, he dashed out for a sip water, but all three of his sound bites were flatter than a Plasma TV. During his exit interview, he blamed the judges for not appreciating his singing abilities. Well excuse me, Jesse, there was no ability to be judged.

A crack addict mother gives birth to a crack baby. Grandma raises that baby girl. Now, jump forward sixteen years and that baby has transformed in a singing powerhouse. Denise dazzled the judges with voice, strength and determination. With a gold pass in her hand, she is flying to Hollywood .

Then there was a character dressed as Uncle Sam with boxing gloves singing an Italian aria. I’m serious. And that’s all I am going to say about that.

She came to America with two teddy bears and a guitar. But more than that, she came with a dream. A dream that somewhere someday she would be a singer. And tonight Columbian Perla earned herself a ticket to Hollywood where her dreams may come true. And in Hollywood , she will no longer have to sleep in a car. Buena suerte, amiga.

 Even if he had been wearing a Colt Peacemaker slung low on his hip, cowboy hat and silver belt buckled Mathew was quickly gunned down. In this business, a slow draw brings a quick death.

I have no idea why The Bad Four accepted Navy specialist Jarrod. His range was limited and his delivery was weak. Maybe it was his starched whites? Whatever the case, he is representing the sailors of USS Ronald Reagan Strike Group. Go Navy.

Then there was Viking explorer Leif Ericsson’s twin sister whose singing was similar to gargling spaghetti while chewing battleaxes. Or the vocal teacher who confuses shrieks with making music. And the woman with the Key-Lime green necktie who couldn’t remember any of the words and I don’t remember her name. How about the good hearted boss who flew his secretary, Dana and her sister from California just for her one and only shot. But Dana who dazzles the office staff didn’t dazzle The Bad Four.

And no matter how much we wish we could, we cannot get the frightening sight of Jason’s singing while juggling two feathered sticks. When done with that, he did a tap dance. Oh well.

Self-proclaimed “I’m American Idol’s super biggest fan” Brenna yelped and barked her way through some words but I don’t clearly remember as I was dashing to find a couple Tylenol. 

 Finally we had Josh, a rocker with his own band. Given a second chance to impress The Bad Four that he was more than a one-dimensional growler, he failed.

And there were so many more. So many youthful hearts filled with hope for a taste, just a little taste of becoming a singing star.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s “By Marcus.”

See also:

1/24/07 American Idol Mania in Memphis

1/18/07 American Idol Mania in Seattle