Pirate Master Not Off to an Amazing Start  6/5/07

 The whole show is pretty much like high schoolers playing dress up and mindlessly following any task given to them while pretending to be rebellious and brewing up drama.  There are the shady nerds in the background, your arrogant jock, the mindless sheep, and your typical creeper.  After rowing up to the ship, the host, Cameron Daddo, introduces them do their new “home.”  He then sends the “crew” to opposite sides of the ship and orders them to heave on the lines, which results in a chest being pulled out of the water.  The host explains that this is the “Chest of Zanthibar”   which belonged to Captain Henry Steel, who divided the chest into 14 different compartments, divided it between him and his thirteen member crew.  Funny, there is a sixteen member crew on the show.  The producers aren’t even following their own storyline right… oh well.  The next day the crew will sail to the Island of Dominica and follow their maps to the first treasure.

The crew hangs out for a while and gets to know each other.  I think they honestly think they are pirates.  That night everyone learns that John will be their creeper for this journey.  They head for bed at some point and start sailing at the crack of dawn.  Apparently they had been instructed on how to sail before the show, so there shouldn’t be any problems there.  And then we find out that Joy has seasickness.  Oh, what a joy.  Then the host comes out and opens one of the compartments, which contains two maps and two compasses.  The crews are chosen at random- red and black.  They head out in their boats and follow the instructions on their pirate maps.

The crews paddle up the Indian River , well, the black crew does anyway.  The red team isn’t so great at steering and they find themselves way of course, but eventually get there.  Then Ben from the black crew gets himself stuck in some mud, his shoe, actually, and loses a lot of the black crew’s lead.  They had a pretty substantial lead, but the red crew appears right behind.  The crews complete a task and receive a new map, saying to continue up the river. The black team still has somewhat of a lead and has the opportunity to leave sabotage for the red team, which they gladly do.  The black crew is in the area of the treasure, but they were having some trouble finding it.  Meanwhile, the red crew gets through the sabotage with relative ease.  The clue to where the treasure is has to do with where a crocodile dwells, and John the Creeper knows that crocodiles live under certain trees.  He looks under that type of tree and what do you know- he finds the treasure, which has a crocodile head on top.  The black crew wins the first treasure hunt.

They head back to the ship with the treasure and Daddo tells the black crew that they now must elect a captain.  Someone nominates J.D. and everyone agrees-except John the Creeper.  But then it turns out that the captain gets half the treasure- which is $20,000.  The captain can do what ever he wants with that money whenever he wants- split it, keep it, use it for bribery… then the captain gets to pick two officers.  Cheryl and Ben are chosen and both receive $5,000 each.  The remaining $10,000 is split among the rest of the crew.  John is angry, and his anger grows as he realizes that he now must take “captain’s orders.”  Goody. 

The captain and his officers get ugly uniforms- J.D. seems to like his a lot.  The trio gets a Captain’s Cabin to sleep in, and while moving out of the bunkhouse J.D. makes an arrogant speech, and when the other contestants follow him to his cabin, he won’t let them in.  That didn’t go over too well with the rest of them.  The captain takes his job “seriously” and orders a bunch of (unnecessary) chores, which the crew didn’t appreciate much either.  Louie, who is quite a character and much like Rupert from Survivor, doesn’t like the captain much, to put it mildly.  Then Daddo comes and tells J.D. and his crew members about “Pirate’s Court.”  Letters will be handed out to the contestants, and the captain must choose three contestant’s letter’s to mark with a black spot, which nominates them to be “caught adrift.  But there is also the possibility that the crew can mutiny against the captain.  J.D. decides to nominate John (because he hates him), Louie (because he doesn’t’ like the captain), and Joy (as a pawn).   Joy is pretty much devastated- but she doesn’t know that she’s a sheep.  So after all that John goes off and steals all the compasses.  That’s part of his case that he will present to the pirate court.

At pirate court, the nominees plead their case.  Louie’s case is “Hey, I’m lovable, do you really want me gone?”  Joy’s case is “I’m a strong woman and not ready to go.”  John’s case is “I’m insane and I took the compasses and I have control of navigation so now what are you going to do huh? huh? here are your choices: mutiny, Joy, Louie, or compasses which one do you want gone?”  It was pretty high school.  Then J.D. explains how he can find North without a stinking compass and John asked, “Well then, which way’s North?”  Then J.D. struggles and finally says that he can’t tell during the night, but during the day it’s a piece of cake.  But his daytime trick took thirty minutes.  Yep, that’s a piece of cake.

The contestants vote and they com to a unanimous decision and guess who’s going home?  (Cue twilight theme song)  It’s JOHN!  What a shocker!  J.D. cuts John adrift and John floats away on his wooden raft.  The moral of this episode: You can never trust those exotic dancer/ scientist types now can you?  Tune in next time for more of the same differences!