Dennis Miller Quotables for the Week of May 3-6, 2005  5/6/05

Seven Arab men have filed a discrimination lawsuit against the owner of a Denny's in Florida claiming they were harassed, humiliated, and refused service. A spokesperson for Denny's immediately apologized, explaining that they thought the men were black.

The prosecution in the Michael Jackson trial announced that they will rest their case this week. Meanwhile, Michael prepared to mount his defense. Literally.

John Mason, the Georgia man whose bride-to-be, Jennifer Wilbanks, faked her own abduction to skip out on their wedding, says he still wants to marry Jennifer. The jilted groom, Mason, even changed the song for the happy couple's first dance to the classic hit, "Have You Seen Her?"

The price of gas is so high, when you ask for premium, a tuxedoed waiter runs out with a selection of French cheeses and inquires if you'd care to sniff the nozzle first.

Abu Farraj al-Libbi, the #3 man in al-Qaeda, has been captured in Pakistan. Al-Libbi will now be brought back to Georgia to marry his fiancé.

At the Michael Jackson trial on Tuesday, a forensic accountant testified that the pop star is spending nearly $30 million more per year than he earns. Hey, if you needed a new face every time you sneezed, you'd have money trouble too.

The upcoming reality series featuring Britney Spears and her husband Kevin Federline now has a title, "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic." The name was chosen over the other title being considered, "Alright Kevin, Where's My Checkbook?"

On Wednesday, President Bush poked fun at himself for holding the White House's Cinco De Mayo celebration a day early on May 4th instead of May 5th. Unfortunately, the event was marred when Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez had one too many shots of tequila, re-enacted his 1963 illegal border crossing, and was deported.

In case you didn't know, Cinco de Mayo marks the time Mexican troops defeated the French army back in 1862. Which, by the way, also marks the last time defeating the French in battle was considered a feat worthy of a holiday.

This week, Bill Gates and the president of Ford Motor Co. announced plans to develop software that could one day create a car that won't let itself crash. Hearing the news, Billy Joel responded, "I'll drink to that!"

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