Quotables From SNL Weekend Update With Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers  10/3/06

"WEEKEND UPDATE WITH AMY POEHLER & SETH MEYERS" QUOTABLES FROM NBC'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"

"WEEKEND UPDATE" CO-ANCHOR AMY POEHLER: Afghanistan's Hamid Karzai and Pakistan's Pervez Musharraf refused to shake hands with each other at Wednesday's White House dinner with President Bush. The evening was made even more awkward when Osama bin Laden showed up ... unannounced ... and with a date. You got no class, Bin Laden.

POEHLER: Federal investigators have found a 75-million-dollar project to build the largest police academy in Iraq has been so badly mismanaged that it is a health risk to recruits. It's all in the hilarious new movie, "Police Academy 8: Doing Asbestos We Can."

"WEEKEND UPDATE" CO-ANCHOR SETH MEYERS: 7-Eleven, Incorporated announced on Wednesday that it was dropping Venezuela-backed Citgo as its gasoline supplier in the wake of Hugo Chavez's anti-Bush speech at the UN. 7-Eleven will however continue to sell burritos made in a Chinese dungeon.

MEYERS: A South Florida teenager used his father's credit card to run away from home and back to Cuba. For more on this story, watch "Scarface" in reverse.

POEHLER: Oprah Winfrey says her lawyers overreacted when they sent a cease-and-desist letter to a man who for years has been urging Winfrey to run for office. In retrospect, she should have just told Stedman to cool it herself.

POEHLER: President Bush on Tuesday reluctantly released portions of the classified report that stated the war in Iraq is adding to the terrorist threat throughout the world. Though, suspiciously, in many portions of the report someone had crossed out, "Iraq" and written in "gay dudes."

POEHLER: Paleontologists announced last week the discovery in Ethiopia of a well-preserved 3.3 million-year-old fossil of a three-year-old child. Which officially ends the longest "time-out" in recorded history.

MEYERS: The Game Show network is launching a new game called "The National Vocabulary Championship," which will have contestants measuring word usage and comprehension to win $40,000. Well, for vocabulary lovers, this is gonna be ... there's a perfect word for this ... oh, I got it ... this is gonna be BIG.

MEYERS: In the wake of the George Allen controversy, Virginia Democratic Senate challenger Jim Webb declined to say on Tuesday whether he has ever used the N-word, but did not help his case when he asked, "Does it count if it was in Scrabble?"

MEYERS: Rapper Chingo Bling is among the hip-hop stars attending Saturday's Hip-Hop Summit in Los Angeles aiming to educate young people on "financial literacy." Again, that's Chingo Bling on financial literacy.

POEHLER: Former infomercial psychic Miss Cleo revealed in the latest issue of The Advocate that she is a lesbian. Experts believe this announcement could be bad for business; who wants a psychic who didn't even know she was gay until she was 50?

Source: NBC Press Release