American Idol Contestant Nikki McKibbin Left 'Depressed' By Simon Cowell 10/17/08

Former American Idol contestant Nikki McKibbin has revealed her drugs and depression hell spiraled out of control after the show's top judge Simon Cowell  undermined her singing talents.

The singer came third behind original Idol champion Kelly Clarkson and runner-up Justin Guarini in the first series of the hit U.S. talent show.

But rock singer/songwriter McKibbin insists her self-esteem was destroyed by Cowell's cold comments, and led her into a devastating depression.

She tells America's Us magazine, "I came out of Idol with a lack of self-confidence. I had never been told I wasn't good enough. "Having to hear it for so many weeks from Simon Cowell killed me inside. I couldn't get the s**t he had said to me out of my head." She adds, "It drove me deeper into my depression. I wouldn't say that this was Simon's fault. It just added to the addict that I already was."

And McKibbin, who is now a recovering alcoholic, reveals she would sneak vodka into the Idol contestant's house to help numb her pain. "We were heavily chaperoned, but I would buy vodka and sneak it into the refrigerator on the bottom floor. If I wasn't too exhausted, I'd have one or two drinks."

McKibbin is one of the stars tackling issues in the upcoming second season of U.S. reality show Celebrity Rehab.